We've all heard about them, sometimes its hearsay, sometimes its first hand. But dating disasters have been a part of courting since getting to know someone became a prerequisite to having a relationship with them.
Pre internet, there were a whole range of potential dangers to dating. When dating, you are getting to know someone. This in itself entails you do not know them, yet you are spending time with them. This creates a risk which, when it goes wrong, turns into a dating disaster.
Most of the time a dating disaster is benign and all you lose is a few hours. Hopefully though you gain a lesson in life and love. Sometimes however, a dating disaster is not so benign and you are actually in some sort of danger, either physically or financially. It is from these types of experience that dating disaster legends are born.
Apart from the obvious damage these occasions cause fo the innocent participant of the date, the recounting of the story creates another issue. Often, when these stories are recounted third and fourth hand, they get worse and worse in the telling. Unfortunately they can leave other people (the ones hearing the tales) scared to date, afraid to go out and meet new people. The loneliness this causes for these other people then becomes an added injury to the one sustained on the date.
When internet came to dating, nothing changed in regards to the dangers of dating. If you are someone who is interested in finding love, at some stage you have to meet people in real life and spend time getting to know them. The only thing the internet changed was the method of introduction.
If you have missed the fact that internet dating is just a forum to meet people, you may make one of the following two mistakes:
1. You believe using the internet to meet and communicate with people is actually getting to know them. Therefore, when the real life meeting occurs, you have a false belief the potential partner is already "known" and therefore dispense with your typical early dating precautions.
2. When things go wrong, you blame the internet as the medium, rather than the fact that the person you were dating was just wrong for you. Thats where such sayings as "He must have been a freak, that's why he is on the internet" come from.
These mistakes are often exacerbated by a number of niche (but very popular) dating sites in the adult dating industry. Here, finding a no strings sex partner (or partners...) is called dating. It is not dating. In fact, internet dating itself is not dating. All online dating sites are, are introductions services.
An internet dating site is the same as a newspaper ad, or singles personals in a magazine, or a pre internet singles party. It is a forum where you can meet people, get their contacts, and that is all. The more you understand this, the safer your dating experiences will be and the more successful you will be in finding your partners.
When dating, I believe everyone should put safety first. You don't really know the person you are dating yet (Ie. thats the whole point of the exercise), so don't assume they are as trustworthy as you. You can never have a successful dating experience anyway, if you have doubts about your safety. So to help, I'd like to suggest you adhere to the following 6 guidelines when using the internet to help with your dating experience:
1. Recognise that internet dating is only an introductions service. While communicating with email, chat and IM may be fun, it is NOT getting to know someone.
2. Recognise that niche online dating sites attract the personality types they cater to. Only join the ones you think will attract the people you are interested in.
3. Use the communication features of dating sites to screen people before you give them your contacts. But recognise this is just a screening process, not getting to know anyone.
4. When you progress your dating into the real world (Ie. when you decide to really meet someone you found on the internet) recognise the person you have been communicating with may have been a facade. So approach the situation with the same caution you would with any first date. And start to get to know the person. YES. This is your first date. NO. Those long chat room sessions were not.
5. When in doubt, get out! Apply this mantra to any situation which you do not feel 100% safe in.
6. If you strike out once or twice, recognise you've found personalities which you don't match. Try to avoid throwing out the baby with the bath water though. Don't give up. Try again.
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Pre internet, there were a whole range of potential dangers to dating. When dating, you are getting to know someone. This in itself entails you do not know them, yet you are spending time with them. This creates a risk which, when it goes wrong, turns into a dating disaster.
Most of the time a dating disaster is benign and all you lose is a few hours. Hopefully though you gain a lesson in life and love. Sometimes however, a dating disaster is not so benign and you are actually in some sort of danger, either physically or financially. It is from these types of experience that dating disaster legends are born.
Apart from the obvious damage these occasions cause fo the innocent participant of the date, the recounting of the story creates another issue. Often, when these stories are recounted third and fourth hand, they get worse and worse in the telling. Unfortunately they can leave other people (the ones hearing the tales) scared to date, afraid to go out and meet new people. The loneliness this causes for these other people then becomes an added injury to the one sustained on the date.
When internet came to dating, nothing changed in regards to the dangers of dating. If you are someone who is interested in finding love, at some stage you have to meet people in real life and spend time getting to know them. The only thing the internet changed was the method of introduction.
If you have missed the fact that internet dating is just a forum to meet people, you may make one of the following two mistakes:
1. You believe using the internet to meet and communicate with people is actually getting to know them. Therefore, when the real life meeting occurs, you have a false belief the potential partner is already "known" and therefore dispense with your typical early dating precautions.
2. When things go wrong, you blame the internet as the medium, rather than the fact that the person you were dating was just wrong for you. Thats where such sayings as "He must have been a freak, that's why he is on the internet" come from.
These mistakes are often exacerbated by a number of niche (but very popular) dating sites in the adult dating industry. Here, finding a no strings sex partner (or partners...) is called dating. It is not dating. In fact, internet dating itself is not dating. All online dating sites are, are introductions services.
An internet dating site is the same as a newspaper ad, or singles personals in a magazine, or a pre internet singles party. It is a forum where you can meet people, get their contacts, and that is all. The more you understand this, the safer your dating experiences will be and the more successful you will be in finding your partners.
When dating, I believe everyone should put safety first. You don't really know the person you are dating yet (Ie. thats the whole point of the exercise), so don't assume they are as trustworthy as you. You can never have a successful dating experience anyway, if you have doubts about your safety. So to help, I'd like to suggest you adhere to the following 6 guidelines when using the internet to help with your dating experience:
1. Recognise that internet dating is only an introductions service. While communicating with email, chat and IM may be fun, it is NOT getting to know someone.
2. Recognise that niche online dating sites attract the personality types they cater to. Only join the ones you think will attract the people you are interested in.
3. Use the communication features of dating sites to screen people before you give them your contacts. But recognise this is just a screening process, not getting to know anyone.
4. When you progress your dating into the real world (Ie. when you decide to really meet someone you found on the internet) recognise the person you have been communicating with may have been a facade. So approach the situation with the same caution you would with any first date. And start to get to know the person. YES. This is your first date. NO. Those long chat room sessions were not.
5. When in doubt, get out! Apply this mantra to any situation which you do not feel 100% safe in.
6. If you strike out once or twice, recognise you've found personalities which you don't match. Try to avoid throwing out the baby with the bath water though. Don't give up. Try again.
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