If you’re like me, you’ve had some trouble in the “normal” dating world and think internet dating might be just what you need to level the field. You figure, as I did, that women on the web are looking for more content and less fluff. Unlike in “real life”, where the only thing that matters is your looks; on the internet, women read your profile and are sincerely interested in your deepest thoughts and dreams—right? Wrong!
They may say, in their profiles, that they want a man who is strong but sensitive with a great sense of humor and loves kids. But what they really want, online as in nature, is tall dark and handsome. Believe me. I’ve tried all of the popular dating sites and have come to the conclusion that less is more and, if you don’t look like the cover of GQ, a little mystery can go a long way.
My attitude might sound cynical but it comes from experience. I started out optimistic and naïve like everyone else. I posted my first profile with enthusiasm and followed the advice of the site’s editors to the letter. This turned out to be a big mistake.
You see, each site has a little different approach to matching, but they all follow a somewhat standard format. Stage 1 is where you make initial contact. This might be in the form of a “wink”, an email, or a few opening questions. This is when the women take a look at your profile and decide whether to respond; either by returning a “wink”, replying to your email, or answering the questions. This is Stage 2. If this goes well, you might make it to Stage 3, which is usually some sort of open communication where you send messages back and forth freely and really get to know each other.
The goal of your profile is to get you to Stage 2 with the women you’d like to get to Stage 3 with. That’s it! This is not the place for your life story. If you post a less-than-spectacular picture and describe your innermost dreams and desires, your Stage 1 advances are likely to be ignored. But, if you can get a response to your initial contact, even if it’s because they’re really not sure who you are and what you look like, you might have a chance to impress them with your wit and charm and make it to Stage 3.
My first piece of advice is not to post a photo. I know, the site editors say it “greatly improves your odds of finding a match.” Well, I’m sure that works well if your face looks like Brad Pitt’s. But for the rest of us, posting a picture can actually reduce our odds of finding a match.
Yes, it’s true that many women will click the “Only show me profiles with photos” box, but they aren’t going to pick you anyway. These women are “face hunting.” They don’t even look at profiles. They simply browse through the photos and click the ones that look best. You know, the same way men look for matches. It’s disgusting!
Of course, they’ll insist on seeing your mug eventually. But, by then, you’ve given them a chance to get to know you a little and they won’t use the same scrutiny that they would have at Stage 1.
In the “About Me” section you list basic information like eye color, hair color, your height, etc. I always thought my height, 5’9”, was a somewhat average height for a man; not too short, not too tall. Well, you can put this in the “What women really want” category; the shorter the woman, the taller they want their man to be. No kidding! Almost every woman that was between 4’0” and 5’4” listed a minimum height of 5’11’’ for their mate. Ironically, the taller women seemed to be okay with a man of 5’9”. I guess they can’t use the same rule of thumb or they’d be limited to dating professional basketball players. Sorry, no advice here; I just thought it was interesting.
Most sites have a question or two about tattoos and piercings. Some have a wide range of selections from “Tastefully Placed” to “Full Body Armor.” I find the former somewhat of a turn-on and the latter downright scary! If you have some “body art” that you’re particularly proud of, by all means, let the world know about it.
Under “Personal Habits”, you indicate your smoking and drinking habits and preferences. I specified that I was only interested in non-smokers. You wouldn’t believe how many messages I got from women who “Smoke Socially”. What does that even mean? I believe a person can drink socially but I’m very skeptical about a social smoker. If you smoke, choose “Smoker”. If you don’t, pick “Non-Smoker”. It’s really that simple.
In my first profile, I chose “Average” as my body style. The choices were Thin, Athletic, Average, A few extra pounds, Large, and Extra Large. I’m not in bad shape but I thought choosing Athletic would be a bit much. I figured that option was reserved for actual athletes or people in extremely good shape. Wrong!
I found out, after looking at lots of women’s profiles, that “Average” covers an awfully wide range of body sizes (emphasis on WIDE). I guess, since America keeps getting heavier and heavier, “average” can mean anything you want it to be. Anyone who chooses “A few extra pounds” is either brutally honest or actually belongs in one of the higher categories. My advice; if you can look down and see your shoes, you’re athletic.
I chose “Average” in the “Looks” category too. I must have been the first person to ever choose this option though. I think they could save space on the screen and just offer Attractive, Very Attractive, and Extremely Attractive. Don’t get me wrong, I think a positive self image is really important. But if you’re extremely attractive, why the heck are you trying to find a date on the internet? I would advise you to choose Attractive even if you look like George Costanza. And stay clear of anyone who picks “Extremely Attractive”. I’m guessing these are very high-maintenance women.
The site editors recommend that you describe yourself in detail in the essay section. “Tell the world who you are, why you’re here, your likes and dislikes, and what you’re looking for in a mate,” they’ll say. Please don’t do this!
At Stage 1, I’ve learned, women don’t really want to know what you like to read or how many times you’ve seen Star Wars. They want specifications; what you look like, how tall you are, what you do for a living, and how much money you make. The more you pour your heart out about how fun-loving and adventurous you are, the more ammunition they have to write you off. My advice is to be as brief and obscure as possible. Don’t give anything away unnecessarily.
Once you’ve created your perfect profile, based on my expert advice above, be proactive about finding the woman of your dreams. Browse the listings with the strictest criteria first. You can always relax it later. If you like extremely attractive blondes who smoke socially and have full body armor then search for them. They’re out there, believe me!
When you find a candidate, make subtle contact at first. Don’t give her your life’s history or try to impress her with your latest manly adventure. In fact, don’t even talk about yourself. Read her profile carefully and mention things from it in your message. This is a great way to let her know that you’re not just responding to her picture. And ask questions. If her profile says she’s a Microbiologist specializing in stem cell research, try to come up with an intelligent question or two about cloning.
If all goes well, she’ll not only answer your questions but ask a few about you. This is the time to talk about yourself but don’t go crazy. Don’t be in too much of a hurry to blurt everything out. Answer honestly but try to keep some mystery and you’ll have a better chance of making it to Stage 3.
When she asks for a picture—and she will—tell her you’re trying to find the “right one.” This will buy you a little time and, hopefully, give you a chance to make an impression. Then, it’s all up to you to make a good one.
They may say, in their profiles, that they want a man who is strong but sensitive with a great sense of humor and loves kids. But what they really want, online as in nature, is tall dark and handsome. Believe me. I’ve tried all of the popular dating sites and have come to the conclusion that less is more and, if you don’t look like the cover of GQ, a little mystery can go a long way.
My attitude might sound cynical but it comes from experience. I started out optimistic and naïve like everyone else. I posted my first profile with enthusiasm and followed the advice of the site’s editors to the letter. This turned out to be a big mistake.
You see, each site has a little different approach to matching, but they all follow a somewhat standard format. Stage 1 is where you make initial contact. This might be in the form of a “wink”, an email, or a few opening questions. This is when the women take a look at your profile and decide whether to respond; either by returning a “wink”, replying to your email, or answering the questions. This is Stage 2. If this goes well, you might make it to Stage 3, which is usually some sort of open communication where you send messages back and forth freely and really get to know each other.
The goal of your profile is to get you to Stage 2 with the women you’d like to get to Stage 3 with. That’s it! This is not the place for your life story. If you post a less-than-spectacular picture and describe your innermost dreams and desires, your Stage 1 advances are likely to be ignored. But, if you can get a response to your initial contact, even if it’s because they’re really not sure who you are and what you look like, you might have a chance to impress them with your wit and charm and make it to Stage 3.
My first piece of advice is not to post a photo. I know, the site editors say it “greatly improves your odds of finding a match.” Well, I’m sure that works well if your face looks like Brad Pitt’s. But for the rest of us, posting a picture can actually reduce our odds of finding a match.
Yes, it’s true that many women will click the “Only show me profiles with photos” box, but they aren’t going to pick you anyway. These women are “face hunting.” They don’t even look at profiles. They simply browse through the photos and click the ones that look best. You know, the same way men look for matches. It’s disgusting!
Of course, they’ll insist on seeing your mug eventually. But, by then, you’ve given them a chance to get to know you a little and they won’t use the same scrutiny that they would have at Stage 1.
In the “About Me” section you list basic information like eye color, hair color, your height, etc. I always thought my height, 5’9”, was a somewhat average height for a man; not too short, not too tall. Well, you can put this in the “What women really want” category; the shorter the woman, the taller they want their man to be. No kidding! Almost every woman that was between 4’0” and 5’4” listed a minimum height of 5’11’’ for their mate. Ironically, the taller women seemed to be okay with a man of 5’9”. I guess they can’t use the same rule of thumb or they’d be limited to dating professional basketball players. Sorry, no advice here; I just thought it was interesting.
Most sites have a question or two about tattoos and piercings. Some have a wide range of selections from “Tastefully Placed” to “Full Body Armor.” I find the former somewhat of a turn-on and the latter downright scary! If you have some “body art” that you’re particularly proud of, by all means, let the world know about it.
Under “Personal Habits”, you indicate your smoking and drinking habits and preferences. I specified that I was only interested in non-smokers. You wouldn’t believe how many messages I got from women who “Smoke Socially”. What does that even mean? I believe a person can drink socially but I’m very skeptical about a social smoker. If you smoke, choose “Smoker”. If you don’t, pick “Non-Smoker”. It’s really that simple.
In my first profile, I chose “Average” as my body style. The choices were Thin, Athletic, Average, A few extra pounds, Large, and Extra Large. I’m not in bad shape but I thought choosing Athletic would be a bit much. I figured that option was reserved for actual athletes or people in extremely good shape. Wrong!
I found out, after looking at lots of women’s profiles, that “Average” covers an awfully wide range of body sizes (emphasis on WIDE). I guess, since America keeps getting heavier and heavier, “average” can mean anything you want it to be. Anyone who chooses “A few extra pounds” is either brutally honest or actually belongs in one of the higher categories. My advice; if you can look down and see your shoes, you’re athletic.
I chose “Average” in the “Looks” category too. I must have been the first person to ever choose this option though. I think they could save space on the screen and just offer Attractive, Very Attractive, and Extremely Attractive. Don’t get me wrong, I think a positive self image is really important. But if you’re extremely attractive, why the heck are you trying to find a date on the internet? I would advise you to choose Attractive even if you look like George Costanza. And stay clear of anyone who picks “Extremely Attractive”. I’m guessing these are very high-maintenance women.
The site editors recommend that you describe yourself in detail in the essay section. “Tell the world who you are, why you’re here, your likes and dislikes, and what you’re looking for in a mate,” they’ll say. Please don’t do this!
At Stage 1, I’ve learned, women don’t really want to know what you like to read or how many times you’ve seen Star Wars. They want specifications; what you look like, how tall you are, what you do for a living, and how much money you make. The more you pour your heart out about how fun-loving and adventurous you are, the more ammunition they have to write you off. My advice is to be as brief and obscure as possible. Don’t give anything away unnecessarily.
Once you’ve created your perfect profile, based on my expert advice above, be proactive about finding the woman of your dreams. Browse the listings with the strictest criteria first. You can always relax it later. If you like extremely attractive blondes who smoke socially and have full body armor then search for them. They’re out there, believe me!
When you find a candidate, make subtle contact at first. Don’t give her your life’s history or try to impress her with your latest manly adventure. In fact, don’t even talk about yourself. Read her profile carefully and mention things from it in your message. This is a great way to let her know that you’re not just responding to her picture. And ask questions. If her profile says she’s a Microbiologist specializing in stem cell research, try to come up with an intelligent question or two about cloning.
If all goes well, she’ll not only answer your questions but ask a few about you. This is the time to talk about yourself but don’t go crazy. Don’t be in too much of a hurry to blurt everything out. Answer honestly but try to keep some mystery and you’ll have a better chance of making it to Stage 3.
When she asks for a picture—and she will—tell her you’re trying to find the “right one.” This will buy you a little time and, hopefully, give you a chance to make an impression. Then, it’s all up to you to make a good one.
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